Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tenacious G Descends into the Bowels of Wal*Mart

I don’t mean to sound self-righteous, but one store I vowed I would never enter in this lifetime was Wal*Mart.

Without going into gory details, Wal*Mart has been accused of operating in a way that increases government welfare spending, contributes to suburban sprawl, uses predatory pricing to drive local mom-and-pop stores out of business, decreases employment in both retail and manufacturing while lowering the wages in both sectors, and increases our tendency to consume natural resources that we do not need. They are one of the largest companies in the world and behave like the bully on the playground.
Multigenerational portrait: Grandma, aka Tenacious G, stands at the right.

So when I picked up my saintly mother for our weekly romp, the last thing I expected was that she would guide our car into the bowels of retail hell. This sweet, gray-haired woman, somehow sensing that Wal*Mart would be an issue, told me that she couldn’t remember the name of the store she wanted to visit but would give me driving directions on how to get there. When those directions led into the parking lot of Wal*Mart, I recoiled in sociopolitical horror. I have no doubt that my late father, a lifelong union man, was spinning in his grave like a Roto-Rooter® drill.

“Why here?!” I exclaimed aghast as we circled the overfull parking lot for 15 minutes. A Mercedes Benz sports coup cut me off for one space.

“I want to buy a blouse,” she replied.

“You want to buy a shoddy blouse made in a third-world factory where someone lost his arm due to hazardous working conditions?”

She laughed. Oh, how silly her daughter was.

Finally, I found a space a few miles away from the front door. It was a hot day and it would be a long and soul-searching walk across the searing, pot-holed pavement to the entrance. I clutched my elderly mother’s arm as we tried to cross the street to the front door and were cut off by a minivan. Normally, at other retail locations, people have slowed down to let my mother cross at her tottering tortoise pace. Not the people of Wal*Mart.

The electric doors swished aside and the welcome air conditioning greeted us. The store was filthy. It looked like it hadn’t been swept or mopped since President Nixon was forced to resign from office. And it was huge. As far as the eye could see, flimsy merchandise was displayed in aisle after sloppy aisle.

I had entered the bowels of Wal*Mart. I felt dirty.

My mother began to look at the brightly colored, tissue-thin shirts that lolled haphazardly on the unkempt racks. One was a halter top fashioned from large, wooden beads. I suggested it might give her a new look. She was amused. Most of what we saw was in very large sizes and bright enough to light up Times Square at midnight.

 Photos from the very informative

Mom shuffled around and didn’t see anything she really wanted but was very excited that they were offering this hideous apparel for $11.97 and less. Admittedly, things were insanely cheap here, but for merchandise that would rightfully get you tarred and feathered on What Not to Wear.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a clothes snob. I’m not saying you can’t go discount. There are a ton of discount retail stores that carry great stuff and I am a real fan of clearance racks. But there is a difference between a bargain and a piece of unmitigated crap. My mother soon came to this realization. A Depression child, she was loath to walk away without purchasing something that was unbeatably cheap, but even she had to admit that there was nothing to see here.

Eventually, we walked out and made our slow and precarious way back to the car. I told my mother I would take her to another, less colonic store and informed her that, as a result of this visit, I would need a long, long shower upon returning home.

9 comments:

  1. You betcha. Walmart is also verboten in this house. I only went in there once in recent years to buy a zipper because all the fabric stores for miles around had closed,but now I hear that they're dropping their sewing departments, too (crappy fabric; I'd only consider brand-name notions) so I'll no longer be tempted.

    Who wants their fabric stores back? Anybody?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we do. The only place to go now is FabricWorld in Plainfield or NYC.

      Delete
    2. Me, me! There's also a fabric store called Acme fabrics in Pequannock (near Wayne) but its selection is much smaller than in its heyday. It also carries sewing machines and has sewing classes downstairs (where its upholstery fabrics used to be, sob) if you're interested.

      Delete
  2. Gee, I didn't know I would offend the Effete Eastern Establishment by shopping at WallyMart. That said, we shop there often. National brands at great prices, steaks fit to serve at famous Chicago steakhouses. My gosh, what more can anyone want? All the major chains deal with things such as unsafe working conditions, child labor and all; so what's different about WallyMart and Nike? Not a thing. At least they are honest about bribing third world nationals to gain access to their markets. As it is unlikely that any one could do so without a bribe, they we should cheer WallyMart for helping America even out the balance in trade.
    So what's not to like? Morals, lies, breaking the law? Come on now people!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do I detect some sarcasm here? You can take the man out of the Northeast, but you can't take the Northeast out of the man. :)

      Delete
  3. The name brand cat litter I usually buy at Shop Rite sells for $1 less at Wal-Mart. That's $1 savings a week, $52 a year. I'll take it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we can agree to disagree, but I respect your choice.

      Delete
  4. Stumbled upon you thanks to a link on Russ Weatherford's page and I have to say, glad I swung by. The image of your mom blindsiding you with her "Oh, I can't remember the name of the store" was hysterical. Gotta love our moms. Wait... we do, right? Have to?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A therapist once told me that if you have a mother and a father, then you need therapy. Thought you might appreciate that insight.

      Delete